"You're going to die. You're never going to wake up after they put you to sleep."
What? It was loud and long. Well, I knew it wasn't true. It was an attack from our enemy the devil. I threw every scripture I knew at those thoughts, but they were just stubborn and persisted. Worship, praise, and scripture kept the fear at bay a bit, but it was a constant battle. I totally didn't expect it. The thoughts began to blossom into thoughts about my family after I'm gone. Come on, get over it.
It's the truth that to live is Christ, and to die is gain, (Phil. 1:21) but I really didn't think it was time yet. It was an attack to make me fear. Fear is so dibilitating. It tries to suck the joy out of everything, and makes things so much worse than they are. Instead of enjoying the afterglow of a successful play, spending quality time with my husband and family, I was fearing a bad surgery experience. I was even afraid to share how I was feeling because of the lie that it would make it happen. Finally, I did talk to a few people who prayed for me. A friend who had recently had a knee replacement was very encouraging.
I wish I could say that it totally went away. It did, but not until the morning of the surgery. I didn't even think about it. God was all over it. It went very well. On the flip side and reflecting, I wonder if the great number of Covid deaths surrounding us had made my mind go in that direction. A few weeks ago at a Sibling Reunion with my sisters and brother, my baby sister mentioned that she thought she was going to die recently before a minor procedure! So this is the enemy's MO (mode of operation)!
It serves us to be proactive about major events in our lives. I've written a book called H.E.A.V.E.N that's about handling the storms and crisis of life. Wish I'd remembered that when the devil was attacking me. (head slap) The very first letter stand for Have Faith. God will do what He said He will do. I'm going to remember to have faith in His Word before any planned event, but I also think that having His Word engraved on our hearts helps us through unplanned crisis and hardships.
I'm so grateful to God for all he's brought me through. I'm writing this five days before my second kneed replacement. I'll share the recovery process as it goes along.
Here's a link to H.E.A.V.E.N. if you're interested. https://amzn.to/3H9mqZP
If you'd like a list of scriptures to fight fear and anxiety, please leave me a comment. God Bless You!
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